Be here now

This is something I have to remind myself, to keep everything in perspective when I’m getting really frustrated and angry, trying to do something like pull my pants up and it’s not working right.

I’m looking at a video of Nisi and me playing. I reach over with my right hand and mess up her hair and she laughs her head off. That video was from a year ago and now I can’t use my right hand at all hardly.

It makes me remember that time. I was losing the ability to use a computer mouse. My fingers would twitch, randomly clicking and right-clicking and it would drive me crazy, just like pulling my pants up drives me crazy now. But in the video I can still mess up my daughter’s hair, and I didn’t stop to appreciate that as much as I should have.

I need to remember this, and appreciate that I can still stand up and mostly pull my pants up. I can open doors and flip on lights. I can open a beer by myself. But in a year who knows? I need to remember that this moment is all that matters. I need to cherish the things that I have, and not hold on to the things that I’m losing.

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